The scary thing about change is that it can creep up on you and catch you completely unaware. You don't realize just how much you've changed, how far down a road you have traveled until you blink and realize that you are completely lost.

I feel like I am the same person from one or two or five years ago but when I reflect and think about what I've gone through, I realize just how much I've grown and changed. Most for the better, but not all.

Am I the person that I wanted to be when I was younger? Certainly, I'm on the right track in terms of career and maybe goals. Didn't plan on still being single. But overall closer to what I had hoped for than not. If I could speak with my younger self, would my younger self be satisfied? Proud? Disappointed? Where would I fall short of my expectations? Where would I have exceeded them? I'm not sure.

The last couple of weeks have left me really wondering what type of person, what kind of doctor I will be when I finish my [neverending] education.

Will I be the doctor that I wanted to be?
What kind of doctor do I even want to be? 

Not what field or where I am working or how much I'm making. But more along the lines of how I interact with my patients. How I treat my coworkers and how much time I spend with my family. I'm sure that the farther along I get down this path, the more my goals will evolve and change and even be replaced with others. I will realize that some of those goals were foolish. Some are impossible. But a few will be worth keeping.

So this will be my way of recording what my medical school self wants my future doctor self to be. So pay attention future me! Pick and choose wisely which of these to keep and which to discard. But never thoughtlessly. Remember, there was a time that you thought each of these were important enough to write down.

#1 Write a letter to the family of every single patient that dies under your care. 

It doesn't have to be long or particularly eloquent. It can be based off of a template. In fact, have a template including useful information (how to deal with social security, what to do with a death certificate, etc). But write one. Always.

As I was writing my personal statement for my medical school application, I stumbled across something I wrote back in 2002 (7th grade? 6th grade?).

     When I grow up, I would like to be a doctor, to heal people. I would like to help those in need and to be able to ease the hurts of people. I realize that to become a doctor I will need to work hard and to give everything my best. I am prepared (I think) to do just that and will try my best.

     Another occupation I might consider is being some type of scientist. I would like to learn how things work, inside and outside. Or I might go into biology and learn about the body and how it works. The possibilities are just about endless. However, I know that whatever branch of science I choose it will take an effort on my side, just like being a doctor.

     In becoming a doctor or scientist, I realize that the path will be hard and challenging. I also know that if I give it my best shot, I am capable of becoming whatever I want. I am prepared for sacrificing my time to study and prepare (doesn’t mean I want to) to become whatever I want.  

Character of the New Man

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:12-17